Always Onward: Lukas

Lukas was conceived after over 8 months of trying. Now, by no means do I think that classifies as long, but compared to his sister, who we didn't try for at all, it took patience. It brought a hard time down upon us when we began to wonder if the scar tissue from my last pregnancy would interfere with our ability to get pregnant again. I grew frustrated, and more anxious with every month that passed and no plus sign.

Finally, right before Christmas, we became pregnant. I remember Jimmy being so excited that he actually hung my pregnancy test on the tree, like an ornament. We were elated, to say the least. Elated, and praying for a boy.

So my ultrasound came along, and within 5 seconds the tech told us 'it's a boy'. I cried. Jimmy jumped around the room dancing and yelling like a crazy man. The tech said they've never seen a father so happy. Jimmy had gone on with this fear that he would be one of those men who tried and tried for a boy, but instead ended up with 5 or 6 girls. We knew the name already, Lukas James. So then, we were just waiting for him.

At around 7 months I started getting very uncomfortable, pain, headaches, accompanied by insomnia, which plagued me in my last pregnancy as well. I'm not talking about being too big to sleep well, I'm talking NO sleep. I would sit in bed, exhausted, and just cry, lying there waiting for sleep to come, but it never would. That takes a toll on anyone, let alone a pregnant woman.

So my doctors put me on something to help me sleep (which actually ended up making me have memory loss & become addicted, I don't recommend it), and that got me through the next month or so. At one of our last check ups before I went in to the hospital, we sat down with our doctor and laid out our wishes. We let him know that the baby was to have no vaccines, not vitamin K, and no silver nitrate on his eyes. The conversation went great, the doctor respected our wishes and relayed them to my surgeon who would be performing my C-section.

From then on, I met with him, and not my regular doctor. I started having a lot of pain towards 30 weeks. I was seeing him at least once a week because of this. Eventually I was hospitalized, when Jimmy called the doctor's office one morning and demanded they do something, as I lay in bed begging him to make the pain go away. I was checked in to the hospital that morning, as they took a slew of blood work from me and hooked me up to some IV meds that made me do nothing but vomit.

I couldn't eat anything, not even jello, I couldn't keep it down. I was starving! The doctors administered me shots of steroids to make sure that if Lukas was born early, his lungs would be at full working capacity. That was scary. Lexi came only 6 days early, and that was because she was a planned c-section baby, due to her being a stubborn breech. I never even let the possibly of birthing a preemie enter my mind.

Eventually, my body got used to the meds they were pumping in me. With the pain at bay, they were hoping my body would stop having contractions, and we could cook Lukas a little longer. Our goal was 35 weeks.

We didn't make it. Lukas James Parker was born over 6 weeks early, our little preemie. Even still, he weighed in at a whopping 5lbs 13oz. The doctors told me later, had he been full-term, we'd be talking a baby over 9lbs, easily. They kept him in an incubator, only as long as I was in recovery. Not only did I have a c-section, but my gallbladder had to be removed as well. Double whammy surgery for me.

While I was in recovery, some of the NICU nurses questioned Jimmy about our wishes to not vaccinate. Now I wasn't there, but my mother tells me he was quite successful in shutting her down and standing true to what we wanted, regardless. I swelter with pride knowing he stood strong in my absence. Not that I doubted his ability, but knowing he took on what I have had to, so many times, without me there to back him up, really anchored me. I'm always the one who does the talking, the explaining, I'm the one who tells the doctors to shove it. Here he was, doing it all. True daddy-style.

Lukas took to breastfeeding right away, we had no problems with jaundice, and it looked like we were in the clear. When it came time to finally discharge us, they told us how much weight he had lost, as all babies lose weight after birth. At home, everything kept going great, or so we thought. I noticed that only minutes after starting to feed, he would fall asleep. Though I went to great lengths at attempting to wake him, I was always unsuccessful. I chalked that up to the fact that he was full, and ready to go back to sleep.

At his 3 day apt, after we left the hospital, we found out he had lost even more weight. They were concerned that my pain meds may be were transferring through my breast milk and making him too tired to eat. They asked me to 'pump&dump' and put him on formula, but Jimmy & I refused. I was not about to give up on some doctor's hunch. So the nurse suggested we try feeding him with a syringe. Syringe feeding it was. That was tedious. Stressful to say the least, but, Jimmy took it on as his personal mission. Getting up with Lukas every 2 hours and tiredly syringe feeding him. We were determined to get some weight on the little guy. Sometimes, Lukas would refuse to swallow & the milk would just pour out of his mouth, so we'd try again. It became very disheartening.

A few nights later, after a feeding, I was lying with Lukas on the couch in the living room. I had him on his back, lying right next to me, my hand on his chest. It was only because my hand was on his chest that I noticed he'd stopped breathing. Instantly I yelled for both Jimmy and my mom, I started crying, and the crying increased when Jimmy and my mom both noticed it too. Lukas would breathe, then stop, and then take in a huge gasp of air almost a minute later. Jimmy & I looked at each other and knew we had to take him to the hospital right away, but we also knew, that if we did, they'd take him from us.

So we spent a long night in the hospital on post, as they monitored Lukas and put in paperwork to transfer him to the children's hospital nearby. Jimmy & I followed the ambulance as they rushed him to the NICU in Augusta. They had him hooked up to monitors, so many monitors. There were wires coming off of him from everywhere. That, and seeing him struggle, shattered me. & knowing I couldn't stay, that I couldn't sleep by his side because of my recovery. I was jealous that Jimmy was able to stay with him no matter what, as a mother, that's all I wanted to do.

After a few days in the NICU, we came to find out that Lukas needed a speech therapist. Odd thing for a newborn, huh? They said that his suck-swallow reflex was not fully developed, so when he was trying to eat, he was exerting all his energy, therefore burning more calories by eating then he was taking in. They started him on a feeding tube right away, that was awful to see. Jimmy dealt with all of this much better than me, and I was glad, I needed someone to hold us both up and be strong.

I went to the hospital everyday, stayed with him, and pumped so that they had breast-milk to give him in the feeding tube, although now they were mixing it with a high calorie formula. He was weighed everyday, at the same time of day, on the same scale, in the same clothes, to ensure accuracy. Finally, we started seeing ounces pile on!

Again in the NICU they confronted us about vaccines, and inquired as to why we refused the vitamin k and silver nitrate. It was never confrontational though, I got a sense that they were more interested then opposed. We stated our wishes and that was it, I was never hounded. Although I was ready for it. With all I've encountered with Lexi, I was ready to put up a fight if need be.

After some time, Lukas was finally released back to us. We had to take him home with a feeding tube, but at least he got to come home with us. We saw the speech therapist once a week, and she worked with him to help better develop his suck-swallow reflex. We continued on with the tube feeding, and Lukas continued to gain weight. He tube fed for about 2 months, until he was strong enough to eat on his own. We started slowly, with one bottle a day, and then progressed to two bottles a day, and so on. By 4 months old he was taking 4oz bottles every 2 hours, where before we were struggling to get in 2 oz every 3 hours. His apnea (breathing) no longer showed itself, and with each day he became stronger.

They told us to expect delays. That he probably wouldn't crawl until 10-12 months old,and not to push him. Well, he crawled at 6 months.They said that he probably wouldn't walk until he was around 14 months old, and not to be discouraged. Well, he walked at 10 months old. Although we did prolong things, like solid foods, juice, etc. He was thriving where no one thought he would. The last time he had to go to the doctor was in Georgia, well over a year ago now, when we were cleared to stop the feeding tube.

They warned us that without vaccines Lukas would be most susceptible to viruses and disease, but he's never been sick. He's never once had to see a doctor or need a prescription. At nearly 15 months old, he has never had any form of antibiotics or any medicine for that matter, other then Ibuprofen. & he is now my little garbage disposal. Where once we were fighting to get syringes of nourishment into him, he is now a non-stop eating machine. Standing strong at 19 lbs and already beating up on his big sister.


You can see his feeding tube here & those are preemie clothes he's swimming in.

I am so proud of him, the fight he fought, and the struggles he overcame. He made me stronger, and I'll never forget that. He's my little preemie, and I'm proud of that. Lukas is and continues to be, vaccine free. He continues to grow and thrive and surprise us everyday. We are so blessed to have him in our lives, and regardless of the pain, we are grateful for the struggle that brought him to where he is now. With every difficulty, we gain a strength that shapes us into the people we're supposed to be. Without these hard times, we wouldn't have the strength to keep going, to find the hope, to have the faith.

Tomorrow is Sunday, so I wont be blogging, but Monday will be a recipe, so let me know what you want to see!